Reactions in a DeLorean

Yesterday I signed my first book deal. I had reactions of my own, namely extreme excitement combined with an odd sensation of worrying vertigo. It turns out finding the handle of one of your dreams and finally getting a grip on it is just as terrifying as it is satisfying – I find myself thinking of the work ahead. Of which there is plenty: having signed with a small company, I’m about to get an exciting crash course in marketing.

It doesn’t feel like a brass ring, or like a lottery ticket. It feels like another step, if it is a by-and-large HUGE and wonderful step filled with bacon cheeseburgers and puppies and happy things. It made me wonder, what would previous incarnations of myself think?

26 and 7

Bobby (26) : “Hey, seven-year-old me! We finally got published!”

Bobby (7) : “Well duuuuh. Was your story about cats or penguins, like my story?”

Bobby (26): “Sorry bud. I’m afraid I’ve pretty much retired myself from ‘anthropomorphic animals go somewhere wacky’ genre.”

Bobby (7): “I don’t even know who you are. Is Raphael still your favorite ninja turtle?”

Bobby (26): “Well, obviously.”

Bobby (7): “Wanna play Power Rangers? I’m the Red Ranger!”

Bobby (26): “What? That’s ridiculous . . . I’m the Red Ranger.”

26 and 12

Bobby (26) : “Hey, twelve-year-old me! We finally got published!”

Bobby (12): “Yeah, sure. Hey, so you’re from the future then?”

Bobby (26) : “Obviously.”

Bobby (12): “So . . . wow, you’re tall.”

Bobby (26): “Very true. I know you’re shorter than all the girls right now, and pretty fat, and your haircut is . . . really, a ponytail? Anyway, it gets a lot better.”

Bobby (12): “We’re still fat, I see.”

Bobby (26): “Well, we get much thinner. Then after high school we get REALLY fat, but then we get thin again. Now we’re somewhere in the middle because – you know what? Listen. That’s not really what I’m here to talk about. I’m saying – ”

Bobby (12): “Quiet. Be honest with me. Have we touched a booby yet? Don’t bullshit me here.”

Bobby (26): “That’s not really important – ”

Bobby (12): “You shut your cow mouth. Boobies. Touched. Go.”

Bobby (26): “Little Bobby . . . ”

Bobby (12): “Remember how much I’m getting bullied right now? I will end you.”

Bobby (26): “Well . . . yeah. All the time. It’s pretty awesome.”

Bobby (12): “WoooooOOOOO!”

Bobby (26): “Sigh”

26 and 16

Bobby (26): “Hey, sixteen-year-old Bobby! We just got published!”

Bobby (16): “Um, how old are you?”

Bobby (26): “I’m . . . twenty six. I’m twenty six. Why?”

Bobby (16): “So, we got published like, again?”

Bobby (26): “What do you mean ‘again’?”

Bobby (16): “You published like, your ninth book, right?”

Bobby (26): “No, it’s the first one. I dont . . . ”

Bobby (16): “THE FIRST ONE? Are you HIGH?”

Bobby (26): “We don’t really get into drugs – ”

Bobby (16): “You, just now, ten years from now, publish your first book. Wow. Wow On a Pogo Stick. Were you kidnapped somewhere in the intervening years? Did you overcome a debilitating illness? Fight in a war?”

Bobby (26): “No, no, and no. It’s a slow process, dude.”

Bobby (16): “Most authors write a book in a year, right? How many books have been fully completed in ten years?”

Bobby (26): “Hold on. A book a year is pretty fast. And besides, you don’t start seriously writing for another four years.”

Bobby (16): “What? Why?! Oh, oh. College. Right. I guess that makes sense.”

Bobby (26): “Oh, uh . . . ”

Bobby (16): “What? Oh what now? You didn’t GO TO COLLEGE?!”

Bobby (26): “I went . . .”

Bobby (16): “Oh Jesus, man.”

Bobby (26): “So, to uh, answer your earlier question . . . two books.”

Bobby (16): “I don’t even want to talk to you anymore.”

Bobby (26): “I’m sorry, dude.”

Bobby (16): “You know what? Whatever. What’s the booby situation?”

Bobby (26): “Excellent, really.”

Bobby (16): “One out of three ain’t bad, I guess. We have a show tonight, wanna come? It’ll freak everyone out.”

Bobby (26): “Sure! I’ll jump and be like ‘I’m from the future, where the zombies are! Ahhhhh!'”

Bobby (16): “Ha, nice. There aren’t . . . ”

Bobby (26): “No, no zombies. But I’ve got some bad news for you about vampire movies . . . “

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Categories: publishing, second manuscript, writing | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Reactions in a DeLorean

  1. Sharon Belcastro

    That is so funny! I love it.

  2. Picturing Bruce Willis in The Kid now LOL.
    This was really amusing (the post, not Bruce Willis. I didn’t even see the movie!) ;).

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